8RV18: Vasectomy-Worthy Sporting Events

EVERY TUESDAY David Chalk, renowned, acclaimed and beloved baseball writer from 7th Inning Stache, Bugs&Cranks, and occasionally Big League Stew throws up Eight Random Videos to entertain and/or enlighten right here on NESW SPORTS.

For the third straight year the Oregon Urology Institute is trying to convince men that the awesome-est time to get a vasectomy is the start of March Madness.� It’s an undeniable excuse to miss work and requires rest that justifies spending ten hours in front of the TV for four straight days watching college hoops.

Now, I love March Madness and would happily cover a first-round game again for Deadspin if they asked me, but I don’t love it that much.� I tried to think if there was any sporting event that I would have a vasectomy for.� And I can’t think of any that I wouldn’t choose the DVR over invasive reproductive surgery.

What if you offered me good seats?� I’ve been to Opening Day; Fenway and Wrigley; playoff games for the NHL, NBA, NFL and indoor lacrosse; the U.S. Open Women’s Final, a college football championship game.� So if it’s just an average game, I would again politely decline. If my favorite team was playing for a title, maybe.� Otherwise you would also need some sort of time machine.� Or you could sweeten the pot with some really amazing experiences, and these I might consider (in no particular order):

1. Sit with Jack Nicholson for a Lakers playoff game

(Dreamy image credit: Kevin XO Lager, 7IS Master MOOPSer)

Jack would have to promise to talk to me, since I’d feel awkward trying to either initiate conversation or act like I didn’t notice I was sitting next to him.

2. Play doubles at Wimbledon with John McEnroe as my partner

I just hope I wouldn’t embarrass him with my outbursts and racket throwing.

3. Sit in the booth with Vin Scully

4. Go to a boxing title fight with Mike Tyson

I love hearing Mike Tyson talk about anything, but he really knows boxing and I think it would be amazing. I just hope he eventually gets a commentator gig.

5. Play Frisbee Golf With Barry Bonds In Golden Gate Park

If we need a foursome, maybe we could bring Willie Mays and Tim Lincecum.� One of my goals in moving to San Francisco was to meet and befriend Barry Bonds.� Now that I’m here, conquering the disc golf course in Golden Gate Park is another.

6. Go to a Devil Rays game with Don Zimmer

7. Go to a hockey game and drink a lot of beer with Craig Laughlin and Don Cherry.

8. Reunite Frank Herzog with Sonny Jurgensen and Sam Huff and form a four-man booth for an improved Redskins team not coached by Mike Shanahan.

Previously on 8RV?