The Enemies List Presents: Top Five Hateful Foreign Sports Fans

Hola, NESWers. It’s your old friend DMtShooter, on loan from Five Tool Tool, with a fresh dash of hate.

This week, I wanted to bring the wood to people all over the world. Since the Winter Olympics finally ended, I’ve been looking for a good reason to dislike people from around the world again. Luckily, the Internets give you all kinds of reasons. Let’s take a look at a few of them, shall we?

5) Israeli Soccer Fan.You are looking taped at Maccabi Haifa, who are one of the tops in the charts when you are looking for quietly hooliganism. It’s one thing to sing at the opponent; it’s quite another to do it while setting fire to the fans, and seemingly yourself. I like sports and all, but perhaps y’all need to mix in a soap opera or reality show, or something. Then again, when your day to day routinely involves rioting, perhaps it’s asking too much to keep it out of your sports.

4) Brazilian Grand Prix Fan. Every group of fans in car racing has more than a little of the ghoul in them, but these people go over the top. It takes a minute or so to get into the hardcore gore here, but don’t worry if you missed it — the video goes there again at the end. Gahhhh.

Native Brazilian son and top driver Felipe Massa is your man of carnage here, and he wound up with a titanium plate in his head from this little moment of rubber kissing; he’s back now, of course, because you really do have to kill these people to get them to give up the sport. Special kudos for the tarp draped over the car, like it’s a body. If you can watch this without feeling like you need a shower, you are an ever bigger hater than me, really.

3) Indian Cricket Fan. Think your local fan base takes things hard? We’ve got nothing on Indian Cricket Fan, who responds to defeat with riots and burning effigies. Come on, people, it’s not like you can always expect to roll Sri Lanka. Those people were Great Britain’s biyatch since the Ceylon days, and you like field hockey more anyway.

2) New Guinea Rugby Fan. Don’t have tickets, and can’t imagine a life spent without watching some sweaty Australians rout your local losers? Then by all means, throw some rocks, eat some rubber bullets, and end the day by hanging yourself in the trees. As Billie Holliday would sing, they’ve got strange fruit in New Guinea…

1) Japanese Sumo Wrestling Fan. All things considered, I’ve never seen the appeal of two huge guys slapping the flesh. I suppose it’s a cultural thing and all, so maybe it’s just not something that should be mocked.

But when it’s women, and 100% Good Old Fashioned Nightmare Fuel, like Granny used to make?

Well then, Japanese Fans that sat still and cheered this on, I’ve got a bone to pick with you. And I’d spend many more words on it, but luckily for me, the great Lucky Pierre has already said them all. Japan is such a confusing country. Qu’elle Pain! (And if you haven’t seen any DynaMan before, by all means, enjoy the weirdness. And Spunky the Wonder Squid is well worth your YouTube search.)