World Cup Quarterfinals Rooting Guide

The thing I like best about World Cup is rooting hard for and against nations based on the most sound and logical of reasons.� Here’s who you should be rooting for and why in the quarterfinals of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

Brazil vs. Netherlands

First off, who doesn’t hate the Dutch? [Insert hilarious Austin Powers 3 quotes here.] Moreover, they’re orange and pale and irrelevant.� Fine, Amsterdam is a wonderful social experiment, but otherwise who wants to root for a bunch of windmills.� And yes Brazil wins all the time, but everyone likes them because they are the country equivalent of Pele — who’s very warm and friendly.� Plus, Brazilian wax.� Root for Brazil.

Ghana vs. Uruguay

Yes, Ghana beat the US in extra time in the Round of 16.� Yet this is the first World Cup in Africa and Ghana is an African country.� And countries should not start with U.� They just shouldn’t.� Losing in the semis to Brazil will be a great honor for the entire continent of Africa, so root for Ghana.

Germany vs. Argentina

My soccer viewing is based more than anything on hating Germany.� Like the Yankees, Germany has the unmistakable tint of pure blue-eyed, blonde-haired evil.� Yes I realize it’s been 65 years since World War II ended, but still, Germany shouldn’t win soccer tournaments, especially in South Africa.� Plus, they play defensive and boring (even for soccer), and remind me of the Dallas Stars (Dallas is another evil place) and New Jersey Devils.� You should root for that adorable Diego Maradona and Argentina.

Spain vs. Paraguay

I think Spain is pretty boring, so who you root for depends on if Maradona beats Germany.� Spain has a better chance to beat those dirty Germans, so we’ll have to root for them if Argentina doesn’t get the job done.� If Maradona comes through, then of course we root for the anonymous South American country against the descendants of General Franco.